A little while ago I wrote a piece about Patrice’s stroke just as a bit of information about the condition. No one knew how bad it was at the time, but he died today so I just want to say how unfortunate that is for his family, his comedy community, his audience, and audiences who haven’t yet discovered his work. Patrice was a phenomenal comic and social critic, and we really are poorer for having lost him.
I didn’t make this, a friend did, but it accurately represents how I feel today. Caffy Halloween.
These are my projections for the next year based on a questionaire sent to me by The Comedy Nerds.
1)Come January 2011, what will the late night comedy landscape look like?
-Have you seen Terminator Salvation? Bleaker, but with more belly laughs.
Where will Conan be?
- In Latin America paying a man who knows a man who can kill three men.
Or possibly at Fox, when he’s not at home swimming through his vault full of money.
Where will Leno be?
- Lying in a shallow grave in Venezuela next to Dick Ebersol and Jeff Zucker. Or Leno will be elected king of mediocrity, his reward will be a lifetime supply of KFC Bowls (Presented by Patton Oswalt). He’ll be on at 11:30 unless the new ownership at NBC (comcast) has some sense and fires the hell out of Zucker, which could happen.
Will there be any other changes coming?
- I will watch even less of NBC than I already do.
2) Last year saw the ascent of Zach Galifianakis? Which on the verge comic will achieve superstardom this year?
- Hopefully someone I know, but more likely Louis C.K. and Maria Bamford (depending on your definition of “super” stardom of course). Also Donald Glover, especially if Mystery team gets picked up by a major distributor.
3) Also, who will be the next big sitcom super-star like Ray Romano or Jerry Seinfeld?
- Hopefully Louis C.K., but more likely Emilio Estevez will join the cast of the redubbed “Three Men and an emotionally unhinged Charlie Sheen.”
And here are a few names for you:
Paul F Thompkins?
- Everyone loves him except Vh1. He’s amazing live. You have to figure something huge will come along for him in time.
Greg Fitzsimmons?
- I don’t know, I was supposed to feature for him this past April but then his schedule changed so I’m bitter. But he’s great.
John Oliver?
- His Stand-up show probably won’t see three seasons, but he’ll have roles in movies soon? I don’t know, my guess is that the national infatuation in stand-up is probably going to see its own recession soon. You’ll know the moment has come when they release a romantic action-comedy about a Stand-Up Vampiredian.
Maria Bamford?
- Her time has come, everyone loves her, when people talk about her they always say she’s pushing the art form forward. She got a national ad in Target… I assume some directer is a big fan of her and will cast her in a movie. In fact she’ll probably replace Todd Barry in “The Wrestler II: Tokyo Drift.”
Doug Benson?
- More clever pot jokes! Hurray! His market value will rise even further as long as Marijuana legalization stays an issue.
Rob Huebel?
- Children’s Hospital has been picked up for Adult Swim, so he’ll have that and probably some small movie rolls?
Nick Kroll?
- Will the world ever tire of his special brand of acting flamboyantly gay? I think not.
4) Will there be an Arrested Development movie? If so, will it be a good idea, or should that have left it alone?
- I’d like to think that it will come out in 2011 or 12 and be amazing, and in the same way that the series lampooned television tropes it will lampoon movie tropes, including large explosions and jokes about how everything is much much more expensive and shiny looking than they remember. Also look forward to a joke about a new Charlies Angel movie, and then Job or Lindsay will say something about how lame it is that Hollywood has completely run out of ideas and so they have to cannibalize defunct TV shows.
5) What is the next SNL recurring character that will be turned into a feature film?
- Probably a Kristen Wiig character, just hopefully not Gilly. Oh look, you mentioned Gilly, yeah she’s godawful. Hopefully Keenan’s Deandre Cole. I would watch a “What’s up With That?” movie. For exactly three and a half minutes.
Please say Gilly!
- No. No no no no no. I hope her character dies onscreen.
6) What will Colbert’s next big publicity stunt be?
- Not sure but it’ll definitely involve the midterm elections. Maybe a high profile attempt to bribe/lobby politicians on behalf of insurance companies?
7) Which of these proposed projects will be great and which will not?
Louie C.K.’s Louie?
- Well, you know what they say: 2nd time’s a charm.
The Kids in the Hall’s Death Comes To Town?
- Colossal niche hit.
Ghostbusters 3?
- Probably terrible and full of fan service. Maybe aliens and a magic refrigerator. Whatever happens, Bill Murray will still walk away unscathed. He will never not be awesome.
8 ) What other big events do you see coming down the comedy pipeline for 2010?
- Senator Robert Byrd will quit politics to finally pursue his dream of becoming a freestyle Hip-hop Comedian, making his debut on Def Comedy Jam. Then in an act of subtle racism he will outlive his entire audience.
- Sinbad, Mark Curry and Martin Lawrence will make a movie about aging stand-up comedians called “Funny People of Color.” It will not resurrect their careers.
- On the eve of the midterm election Jon Stewart will eat the head off a live pundit on national TV. It’ll be great.
Googling yourself: Cyber-Vanity
Googling common misspellings of your name: Neurotic Self-Aggrandizement
Finding a two year old posting of a person with whom you went to college misspelling your name while insulting you in passing while posting on the website of someone else with whom you went to college: Priceless.
Yesterday I did a search on a misspelling on my name, which is kind of a silly thing to do to begin with, and it turned up someone referencing me in what I can only assume is a derisive way. It’s a perfect example of paranoia gone terribly right.
Behold my found art:
P.S. It’s “you’re” going to hell. And yes, you are. Just kidding, there is no god.
